Oh That Ganju!
by ganjuslilprincess
Summary: Ganju loves Hanatarou. He also happens to drive his neighbors Ishida and Byakuya BESERKS! Hilarity ensues--guaranteed to make you chuckle from his crazy antics and nosebleed from some fine Ishida x Chad and Byakuya x Renji lovin! Read and Review! LEMON
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE: AN INTRODUCTION**

"Chad! Oh right there!" Ishida cried out as his boyfriend pounded into his prostate. His fingers convulsed against the sheet as he tried to hang on to something. Ishida's cries quieted as Chad leaned down to claim his mouth and tangled his fingers in Ishida's hair.

The silence was filled with muffled screaming from the other bedroom. Ishida ignored Renji's shouts and urged Chad to move faster. He felt his orgasm nearing as Chad brushed his prostate over and over, his firm fingers running along his erection. Heat was coiling in his groin, he was almost there, so close…The door slammed open loudly, making Ishida jump beneath Chad.

"Hey guys!" came Ganju's loud voice from the kitchen, "whatcha doin?"

Four voices practically simultaneously yelled their various death threats to the unwelcome intruder.

"I'll just wait in the living room." Ganju yelled back with a laugh, stomping through the house and plopping down on the fine furniture.

Byakuya groaned, climbing off of a panting Renji who whined in protest as the captain grabbed a pair of jeans, shaking his head as he closed the door behind him.

He crossed his arms, staring at Ganju in annoyance as the ignorant couch potato sat with his feet up on the couch, loudly sipping his soda.

"Get out." Byakuya simply spoke.

"Whaa??" Ganju cried defensively, shrugging.

"Now." Byakuya turned back, leaving the room. He stepped back in the bedroom, softly clicking the door shut.

"Is he leaving?" Renji asked.

"If he's smart." Byakuya stated, hearing the front door open and close.

"Finally!" Renji sighed, smiling as Byakuya undressed, climbing back into bed.

"Where were we?" Renji smirked.

"About here." Renji cried out as Byakuya slammed into him, picking up his previous, unforgiving speed.

- -

Ishida paused, listening intently at the muffled conversation from the living room, letting out a sigh of relief as he heard the door close.

"He's gone." he said, "Why does he always have to interrupt right as I'm.." Ishida trailed off, sounding annoyed.

"He probably wants to listen to you." Chad teased. Ishida scowled at that, but Chad kissed him and started moving his hips in sharp, deep thrusts and Ishida soon forgot all about Ganju's interruption as he came all over his stomach.

Chad followed him, releasing deep inside Ishida before collapsing on top of him, careful not to crush him.

They laid on Ishida's bed, basking in their afterglow as they listened to Renji's cries increasing in volume.

"How long do you thing we have until he comes back?" Ishida asked, shifting comfortably under Chad's weight, as the other boy kissed his neck.

"Probably enough for another go." Chad responded.

- -

Byakuya kept an angle that drove him straight into Renji's prostate, making the lieutenant scream out with each hurried but deliberate thrust.

"Ahh fuck fuck fuck!" Renji's head thrashed from side to side, gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles were white.

Byakuya smirked, wrapping his fingers tightly around Renji's leaking cock. He careened off the bed with a wail, screaming Byakuya's name as he was quickly jacked off and pummeled into so fast all his senses were being driven to the point of insanity. Byakuya refused to let up, softly moaning as he neared the end, using his remaining energy to piston in and out of Renji's tight ass. His fingers ran expertly up and down Renji's throbbing cock, rubbing and teasing all the right spots to make the man whine and arch into the hot friction.

With a strangled cry, Renji exploded over Byakuya's fist and fingers, his muscles clamping down on Byakuya as he orgasmed. Byakuya groaned from the delicious resistance, cumming hard into Renji's shuddering entrance.

He collapsed in exhaustion soon after, rolling off the other to rest by his side.

"Fucking Ganju." Renji scoffed after finally catching his breath.

- -

Ganju sat alone in his apartment, staring at the clock and watching as the second hand made it's journey around the face. He was always so bored at his apartment. He thought it was great when he found out Ishida Uryuu and Kuchiki Byakuya had moved into an apartment right next to his complex.

He'd have someone to hang out with all the time now. Except when they were having sex. They always seemed really angry when Ganju interrupted them. He didn't know _why_, they were always having sex. Surely every once in awhile they could stop on his account.

Glancing at the mess of dishes and papers strewn across his coffee table and again at the clock, Ganju debated whether he had given Ishida and Byakuya enough time to finish with their…activities. Well, he was hungry and it had been nearly 20 minutes. Surely they were done.

Ganju gathered his things and headed over to his friends' upstairs apartment. He opened the door quietly this time. He heard no loud moaning noises, so he deemed it safe to enter.

He invited himself in, opening the fridge immediately and helping himself to a drink and some leftovers before wandering into the living room. Ishida and Chad were there, sharing the loveseat. Ishida leaned against his boyfriend, reading a rather thick book as Chad watched television.

Ganju collapsed noisily on the sofa, earning a disapproving glance from Ishida as he propped his dirty feet on the arm of the sofa and threw the extra cushion onto the floor. He commenced emptying the contents of his school bag all over the place as he dug around for what he was looking for.

Soon, the pristine living room was cluttered with Ganju's mess and Chad noticed with amusement that Ishida's eye was beginning to twitch with the force it took not to say something scathing.

Ganju's attention was turned as Renji entered the room, ignoring Ganju as he lay on the floor, turning the TV on. Byakuya followed soon after, barely glancing at Ganju as he sat down next to Renji, sighing.

"Is there a reason why I am being forced to sit on the floor in my own home?" He calmly asked.

Ganju sighed loudly, shoving his things out of the way so that someone could sit next to him.

He patted the seat a couple times, "Happy?"

Byakuya looked at Ganju and the rest of his mess a moment in disgust before turning back to the TV.

"No."

Renji chuckled, looking between the two, lightly bumping into Byakuya teasingly. Byakuya just shook his head, looking to Ishida for something to be done. Ishida shrugged in hopelessness, whispering something to Chad who shook his head.

"So what's for dinner?" Ganju asked, ignoring the glances and slurping his drink loudly, making both Byakuya and Ishida cringe.

"Nothing for you," Ishida muttered under his breath and Chad chuckled.

"Why don't you make dinner for once," Byakuya asked in exasperation. Ganju stared at the captain as if he had just asked him to put on a dress and do the tango.

"I…well—I _would_," Ganju stressed, "but I don't have any food at my house." He grinned broadly in satisfaction at his excuse, oblivious to the large green piece of food stuck between his teeth.

"Because you always eat here," Ishida muttered, trying not to look at the offensive sight as Renji giggled.

Byakuya turned and glared at Ganju as if he was some offensive bug. "Maybe you should-" Byakuya began scathingly, but Chad politely cut him off, afraid of a fight starting.

"Let's just go out to eat," he suggested. "Then no one has to cook."

"And Ganju can pay," Ishida added decisively, getting up to fetch his jacket and not giving Ganju a chance to object.

"Hey, I'm the one that doesn't have a job, shouldn't you two be the one buying me food?" Ganju whined, shoving his boots on before running to catch up to the other four.

"What about the job you quit after three days?" Byakuya sighed, stepping out the door.

"I got stuff to do!" Ganju cried defensively, slamming the door behind him.

Byakuya scoffed, lightly stepping down the stairs and trying to ignore the thunderous stomping going on behind him.

"Where are we going?" Renji asked.

"Let's go to where you work." Chad suggested to Ishida who rolled his eyes.

"As if I want to spend my time off there…around _him_." Ishida groaned.

Chad chuckled, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend. "But its cheap and close."

"And they have AWESOME fries." Ganju added, standing at his car.

"Unlock. It." Byakuya gritted annoyingly as he waited to be let in.

"Oh yeah." Ganju chuckled.

"Will Mayuri be there?" Chad asked.

"Well he does own the place." Ganju added, squeeling out of the parking lot.

"I hate him. I hope he doesn't see us, I hate talking to him." Ishida mumbled.

"He's even more anal sounding than you B-chan!" Renji chuckled, knocking into an annoyed Byakuya.

"I'm not eating." Byakuya stated, glaring out the window in silence the rest of the ride.

Ganju pulled sharply into the parking lot of the drive-in diner, making all the passengers slam into the side of the car. He pulled into a space at an odd angle. Ganju inspected his parking then pulled back and back into the spot three times before he was satisfied. Byakuya and Ishida glanced at each other and shook their heads.

"Sooooo…what do you guys want?" Ganju asked, flipping the wrong switch and turning the tray pick up light on.

"It's the other button, you fool," Ishida hissed.

"Oh, right," Ganju said sheepishly, pressing the button.

The shrill voice of the server came over the speaker, asking them for their order.

Ganju ordered a large meal and a large strawberry coke and then looked expectantly at the others.

"I'll just share your fries," Ishida told Chad, hunching down in the seat to hide behind his boyfriend's frame in hope Mayuri wouldn't notice him.

After everyone made their orders, the parking lot grew crowded and loud, much to Byakuya's annoyance.

They waited for nearly twenty minutes before their orders came, and much to Ishida and Byakuya's horror, Mayuri was the one to bring them out.

"I thought that was you two!" he said, setting the tray on the window and grinning at his two workers. Ishida mumbled a hello and Byakuya said nothing, choosing to stare out the window in the opposite direction. "Look at my two carhops! They like it here so much, they even come on their day off" he said with false cheeriness.

"Can we have some more ketchup?" Renji asked.

Mayuri grinned at him. "Well, I've already given you two packets for each of your sides, so if you want more than four, I'm going to have to charge you," he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "I'm sure you're used to your boyfriends giving you piles of ketchup packets," he added, glancing at Ishida, who sunk down further in his seat, and Byakuya who completely ignored him. "Just remember boys, each packet costs 5 cents! Give too many out and that adds up!"

Byakuya dug in his pockets, flinging change at Mayuri's sickeningly sweet face.

"Whoops. It slipped." he responded before turning his attention back to the opposite window. Mayuri chuckled, scurrying around to pick up the loose change, mumbling something and laughing under his breath.

Ishida sank lower in his seat. Ganju meanwhile seemed to oblivious of the situation, happily shoving handfuls of fries into his waiting mouth, licking each finger after every bite to Byakuya and Renji's extreme annoyance.

"Are you guys almost done." Renji sighed, trying to ignore the various gulps and sucking sounds coming from Ganju.

Ganju shook his head, noisily chomping his food quickly to speak. "Gotta get another coke before we leave."

Renji groaned, hitting his head against the back of his seat. "Order it now."

"'Nother coke, Pops!" Ganju declared, digging through his pockets for change.

And so they waited...and waited...and waited. Each car that received their food while they waited was cursed and despised by Renji, Byakuya's jaw tightening little by little and Ishida slowly squeezing Chad's hand to the point of pain.

"This is fucking ridiculous! We've been waiting forever for his fucking coke!" Renji finally exploded.

"They think it doesn't matter cause its just us." Byakuya spoke. "Just leave."

"Nooo, I want my coke!" Ganju whined.

Byakuya's expression was severe, taking a breath before speaking to the oblivious driver, "Leave."

"Fine!" Ganju grumbled. "But you owe me a coke." The driver licked his fingers one more time and started the car. It sputtered and died. He tried again and it did a repeat performance. Byakuya looked like he was going to explode and Ishida groaned loudly.

"What's wrong with your car?" Chad asked.

"Nothing!" Ganju shouted, starting his car again, successfully this time.

Ishida sighed in relief. "Can we please just go home now."

"Yes, please," Byakuya added.

"I don't know why I hang out with you guys," Ganju grumbled. "You're so boring."

Renji muttered something that sounded something like, "Neither do we."

They finally made it back to Ishida and Byakuya's apartment and Ganju, much to everyone's relief, went to his own apartment.

Ishida announced he was taking a shower as the rest settled comfortably in the living room.

No more than fifteen minutes later, Ganju invited himself into their apartment again. He rummaged in the fridge and glanced at the television before opening the bathroom door and grabbing Byakuya's hairbrush. He inspected his hair and ran the brush through it several times.

"What the hell are you doing in here!?" shrieked Ishida.

"My hair's all fluffy, I had to brush it!" Ganju answered.

"I'm in the fucking shower!" Ishida screamed.

"So?" Ganju asked.

"So get out!" Ishida yelled.

Ganju laughed, placing his face against the glass. "Ooh Ishida!" He teased before turning when he felt another presence hovering over him.

"Get out."

Ganju slowly turned around to find Chad hovering over him, fist clenched slightly. Ganju gulped, quietly making his way out of the room. He sighed, walking around the room in boredom for something to do.

"Ahhh I'm so bored! I'm so booooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeddddd." He loudly moaned, pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the living room.

"Hey Ganju, can I use your computer to look something up?" Renji asked, grabbing the still-open computer. Ganju quickly dashed over, ripping it from Renji's hands.

"Why can't you use Ishida's?" He asked in suspicion.

"Because yours is right here and his is in the other room turned off." Renji scoffed, holding his hands out again.

"Hurry up, I need it." Ganju spoke, handing it back to Renji, but sitting on the edge of the couch to watch his every move. Renji shifted uncomfortably, moving closer to Byakuya as Ganju watched his every move.

"Do you have to be right there?" Renji asked in exasperation. Ganju nodded his head.

Renji clicked on an icon in the corner of the page. "Oh dammit, that's the wrong one. These Macs confuse me. What is—Oh my god!"

Renji stared in shock at the folder he had accidentally opened. Pictures of Hanatorou littered the screen, all of them were of the poor boy naked and obviously unaware he was being photographed.

"What the hell, Ganju?" Renji asked. It was then he noticed several pictures at the end. They were all of large muscled and extremely well-endowed men, all naked and glistening. On every single picture like this, Hanatorou's face was crudely photoshopped on.

"Stopping looking at my stuff!" Ganju shrieked, snatching the laptop out of Renji's hands, who started laughing uncontrollably.

--

"I hate him!" Ishida said vehemently as he wrapped a towel around himself.

"Don't worry," Chad said, running his fingers through Ishida's damp locks, "I won't let him touch you."

Ishida leaned into the touch, a soft smile on his lips. "He's such a pervert," he muttered.

"Why didn't you lock the door?" Chad asked.

"I thought I did!" Ishida exclaimed shrilly. "Besides, if the door is closed, I figured it would be pretty clear it was occupied!"

Chad laughed softly and kissed him. "Do you want me to make you feel better?" he asked, nipping at Ishida's lower lips and running his fingers down his spine.

"Mmm...Yes," Ishida purred, letting Chad pull off his towel and push him back into the still running shower. Ishida watched as Chad stripped off his shirt and pants, admiring his muscles and smooth dark skin.

Chad stepped into the shower, sliding the door closed and pressed Ishida against the cool tile, making him gasp. The taller boy gave one of his rare predatory smiles and descended on Ishida, kissing him hungrily, his lips roaming over his neck and shoulders, leaving little marks behind as the water from the shower soaked them both with steamy heat.

"Uhh! Chad!" Ishida gasped as a hot hand encircled his erection. He threaded his fingers through Chad's soft wet hair, bringing his face down for another kiss, moaning and humping wantonly into his boyfriend's hand.

Soft fingers ran over his nipples, pinching and fondling before moving on to other parts of his body. There were teasing caresses along his hip bone, across his stomach that made the muscles flutter, and down his back, fingering the protrusions of his spine. Ishida gasped as the firm hand jerking him off stopped to cup and fondle his testicles instead. The other one finished its exploration of his body at the top of his ass, dipping down to rub over his entrance.

Ishida mewled, feeling very needy and loving the way Chad was touching him. "Please," he murmured. "Please, please, please."

Then suddenly there were fingers inside him, pushing against his soft walls as they stretched and searched for that special spot. When they found it, Ishida jerked off the wall, pressing against Chad's hard body and burying his face in his chest. The fingers disappeared and Chad braced him against the wall, pushing him up so he could wrap his legs around his waist.

It always hurt when Chad pushed in, no matter how well prepared he was, but he loved that intense burn at the beginning nearly as much as his release at the end. He loved the feeling of Chad, hot and throbbing, deep inside him.

Chad tried to give him a moment to adjust, but Ishida pushed back eagerly, wrapping his arms tightly around Chad's neck and arching his back, trying to get him as deep as possible. Chad snapped his hips, setting up a rhythm as he pushed Ishida roughly against the tile.

All Ishida could do was moan and cling to him as every one of Chad's stroked brushed against his prostate.

"Sadoooo..." Ishida cried, gripping tighter to Chad's slick skin and gliding one hand up the back of his neck to tangle itself in his hair.

"Uryuu," Chad grunted, thrusting deeply and reaching a hand between them to wrap around Ishida's erection. He squeezed once and Ishida came with a cry, spurting over their stomachs as the hot walls of his channel clamped around Chad, coaxing him to his own orgasm. He shuddered as he came, fingers sliding over Ishida's wet skin as he tried to keep them both from slipping to the floor.

**AN:** plz review peoples! flames and love both welcomez!!


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO: POETRY  
**

It was safe to say that everyone was looking at Ganju a little differently these days, something he was quick to notice as he had been avoiding the four and any conversation that involved his computer, photos, or a naked Hanatarou.

That night the incriminating photos had first been found had ended with Renji's laughter and Ganju's face bright red as he snapped his computer shut and stomped out of the room, muttering incomprehensible excuses. It was all Renji could talk about, torn between fits of laughter and shudders from the creepiness of the obviously voyeuristic photos of the youth that had once worked with Ganju.

And it was the one time Ishida regretted fucking Chad when he did as he had the whole story relayed back to him, disappointed to have missed the photos.

"I knew something was on there!" Ishida had shook his head, pushing his glasses up in contemplation. He shook his head, "Damn."

Renji laughed, going into his long descriptions of what he had seen in the .5 seconds Ganju's computer had been in his hands for the upteenth time. Ishida and Chad listening a little too intently. Byakuya entered the room, sighing as the familiar conversation reached his ears.

"Is this the only thing we find of interest anymore?" He sat down, turning the news on in hopes of drowning out Renji's exclamations.

"Oh come on! You don't think its funny and creepy and sad and--" Renji droned on.

"Pathetic. That's all." Byakuya stated, turning the volume up.

"Soooo...I was thinking that you should help me..." Renji added to Byakuya.

"What?" He responded, not turning to face the other.

"When he goes to class tomorrow, let's see what else we can find." Renji smirked, Ishida nodding in reply.

"No."

Renji moaned, "Aahh please!?" He wrapped his arms around Byakuya's, squeezing it tightly.

Byakuya rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Let me go."

"Only if you say yes."

"Yes."

"Yes...what?"

"You didn't tell me to say yes to anything specifically."

"Don't play your word games with me, Captain." Renji huffed, waiting for Byakuya to respond. He soon grew agitated as the man said nothing, continuing to watch the TV in silence.

"Hellooooo!?" He finally said in agitation.

Byakuya sighed, "If you will shut up so I can watch this then I'll go with you, okay??"

"DEAL!" Renji clapped his hands together enthusiastically, bouncing out of the room.

- - -

The plan was simple—get in and out of Ganju's apartment as quickly as possible. Renji was even prepared to shunpo the whole thing—Byakuya having to repeatedly tell him that plans were unnecessary for such a "menial task" as he put it.

And so Renji paced around the kitchen, repeatedly checking the window for Ganju to leave. He sighed in agitation each time his sight met nothing.

Byakuya remained seated at the kitchen table, each sigh being met with a flip of his newspaper.

When the time finally did come, Renji screamed out, startling an agitated Byakuya before he was ripped from his seat and hurled down the stairs.

Renji giggled the whole time, sneaking and tiptoeing to the complex while Byakuya casually walked enough steps behind him to seem to be on his own.

Renji grinned in triumph as the object of his search met his eye, the computer innocently sitting on the coffee table. Byakuya waited at the door, twirling his keys around his finger absentmindedly while he waited for Renji.

"Let's look at it now!" he exclaimed, opening the computer.

Byakuya sighed, sitting down next to red head. "Hmmm…password…password…" Renji thought aloud.

"Password…"

"Hmmmm….."

"Password…pass…word…"

"Password…pass-"

"Oh for God's sakes! Just try 'Hanatarou'!"

"Ahhh! Brilliant!" Renji carefully typed it in, grinning triumphantly as the desktop appeared. It didn't take long for Renji to find the previously exposed photos, looking through them again with the occasional giggle—Byakuya snuck a couple glances, immediately regretting it.

"Oh Oh Oh! Here it is! A FOLDER!" Byakuya jumped slightly as Renji burst out laughing uncontrollably unable to answer Byakuya's agitated 'what' from his fits of laughter.

"Re-Read…Read to this!" He managed.

_Hanatarou I love the most_

_Hanatarou Not to boast-_

_But I can lift a 1000 pounds_

_Its much easier than it sounds_

_If it meant, I'd have your love_

_For that, I'd go beyond—above._

**-A GANJU FANFICTION-**

The door slammed. BAM! In walking the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen! Long, flowing hair! Ripply muscles! And a come hither look!

Ganju BURST from his chair with a "HOT DAMN!" Pulling the creature into his arms and kissing him with as much passion and fervor he could muster.

"Oh my love!" the creature exclaimed.

"Please! I MUST know your name!"

"Its Hanatarou my sweet and I have loved you since the moment I saw your handsomest face!"

"Then we shall be together always!"

**-THE END-**

It had been awhile since Renji had seen such a stunned and confused look on Byakuya's face after reading Ganju's story.

"I—I—" He started before shaking his head.

"There are tons of documents. Oooh look at these songs! HA HA HA! Listen to this B!"

"No, please, I can't."

"Yeah, yeah, just a bit. Okay, 'to the tune of White Christmas'."

_I'm dreaming of a Hana-tarou_

_Just naked—lying in my bed_

_Kissing me all over_

_All niiiight—sweet looooover_

"Renji, please, its terrible." Byakuya groaned, starting to get up before being pulled back down.

"This one is to—"

"Can we leave now, come on, what if he gets out early?"

"Ahh come on, just one more."

"No. I'm scarred enough the way it is. We're leaving."

Renji sighed, "Fine, fine, fine." He closed the computer, stomping out of the room.

"I'm dreaming of a Byaaaaaaaakuya! Just naked—lying in my—"

"Don't you dare."

Renji laughed, throwing his arm around Byakuya as they walked back to their apartment.

**AN**: Luv reviews!! Review and I'll write more!


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